Last month, my younger brother died at 67. Giving that I muse about life in this space, I should admit that during the past two months, I have been musing about death to my friends. Yes, I felt the sadness about our family’s loss. And I also felt relief. A blessing that it was his time.
However, I was most surprised at my preoccupation with my own inevitable death, how I want it to be for me, and what I need to do to be prepared.
Fortunately, I have had a good model to guide me…my mother. She had a plan, and she executed that plan. She had no intention of entering a nursing home and told everyone who would listen. She had no intention of burdening her children with all the emotional chaos unloading a 3-story house that she experienced with her siblings when her parents passed. She did intend to be ready at her time. And so she was. The money handled, the furniture designated, sold or given away, the studio apartment in which she lived with few possessions easily dealt with. Health care directives signed, and body donated for research. At 90, she died as she wished, 24-hours after a heart attack, active until the end, and in her sneakers.
So, what do I want? And how will I get ready? Resources are beginning to multiply to respond to these queries. I visited the conversation project on line on I found stories of others getting themselves prepared which gave me information and hope. And a good friend has lots of advice on her website www.sustainable-aging.com.
The prompt to get moving was powerful. Such that yesterday, I drafted my obituary and sent it to my siblings.
Maybe this post will serve as a prompt for those of you of a certain age, contemplating your “inevitable” and wanting a dignified end of life. Just so you know, there is plenty of good guidance, just a google away.
